Addiction and the Need for Control: How Letting Go Can Help Manage Triggers and Urges

How much control do we really have?

One of the most persistent and exhausting struggles many of us face — whether we’re battling addiction, anxiety, or the everyday weight of life — is the desire for control. We want to control our circumstances, our relationships, other people’s opinions, the outcome of difficult situations, and especially our emotions. But here’s the hard truth: control, as we often imagine it, is an illusion. And ironically, it’s in letting go of control that we begin to find freedom. Life is unpredictable. People around us will act in ways we don’t expect. Challenges, disappointments, and losses happen whether we’re ready or not. No matter how tightly we try to grip the steering wheel of life, we’ll never be able to control:

• How others behave or feel

• The outcome of a situation

• What has happened in the past

• What challenges may come tomorrow

When we cling to the need to control these things, it often leads to frustration, anxiety, and sometimes, unhealthy coping mechanisms — like substance use, compulsive behaviors, or emotional withdrawal.

The one thing we truly have influence over is our response to what happens. We can choose how we react. Everyone has a need for control, especially those struggling with addiction. In the space between stimulus and response lies our power.

This might sound simple, but it’s incredibly powerful. When you realize you can’t stop uncomfortable feelings or difficult situations from arising — but you can decide how to respond — it shifts the way you experience cravings, triggers, and even daily irritations. In addiction recovery, triggers and urges to use can feel overwhelming and out of your hands. A stressful conversation, a tough day, or an old memory can spark powerful cravings before you even realize it.

But by acknowledging:

• I can’t control what just happened.

• I can’t control the feeling that came up.

And then reminding yourself:

• I can control what I do next.

…you begin to reclaim a sense of agency. Not control over the world, but control over your choices.

Each time you choose a healthier response, you weaken the automatic pull of urges over time.

Paradoxically, when we stop trying to control everything outside ourselves, life feels lighter. You may not be able to avoid every difficult moment, but you can trust your ability to navigate it. And in recovery, that’s a vital skill — knowing the storm will pass, and you don’t have to follow every urge or emotion wherever it leads.

Learning to release the illusion of control isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a daily practice. A mindset you build, like a muscle, through awareness and compassion for yourself.

And in that practice, you’ll likely find fewer urges controlling you — and more moments of peace, clarity, and resilience.

You are not powerless, even when things feel out of control. Your reaction, your response, your next choice — that’s yours. Always.